"Write in a voice of someone talking absurdly fast."

Rip the the space bar out of your keyboard.

"How did your parents meet?"

That's the cutest suicide pact-story I've ever heard.

"Write about the first one to quit."

And how good he tasted.

"Write about that one thing you never mentioned about that trip."

Because all superheroes/serial killers need an origin story.

"When asked for a solution to writer's block, poet William Safford said: I just lower my standards and keep on going."

Same advice works for getting herpes.

"Write about the last time you went to a church--what brought you there?"

Murdering your adopted, Antichrist son is the best answer. Bonus points if you're Gregory Peck.

"Write about the last day of your first job."

And the satisfaction you felt knowing they'll never get that stain out of the carpet.

"Write about a beautiful evening ruined by a bad joke"

And the joke is actually more of a prank. And it's a prank that involves adhesives, a scalpel and Garbage Pail Kid cards.

"Write about the last time you jumped to the wrong conclusion"

And how many children paid dearly for it.

"Turn off your computer and reintroduce yourself to a pen."

And try to remember how it got lodged up there in the first place.

"What's the most you ever paid for something you didn't want?"

Was it the for location of your wife's head? I bet it was for the location of your wife's head.

"Open an imaginary door. What do you see?"

Or, what the fuck did you just let out?

My mom once bought me this book called the The Pocket Muse. I'm gonna take some of the advice from the book (quoted) and add words to it to make it better.